Even Bret Michaels knew how obvious his choice was. "Twelve weeks, 23 girls and I end up with the Penthouse Pet," he said at the third season finale Sunday. "Who saw that coming?"
Well his choice of Taya Parker as winner of "Rock of Love" (but not the recipient of the engagement ring he had), came off like a corporate merger of their proprietary companies - Poison Co. and Penthouse Industries LLC - but it was never a foregone conclusion.
Especially in a show that featured the maximum number of skanky blondes to start.
Yet the show's automotive-themed third season featured a final two of brunettes: Mindy Hall of Texas, identified as a "girl next door" style, though she was all but called "girl next whore" after she was the only one of the final two to spend the night with Bret at their final destination (which they did not reach by bus), the Dominican Republic.
Her problem was opening up with her real feelings. But she eventually wrote down her platitudes and read them on the beach, satisfying the bandanaed one.
Winner Taya kept wearing Penthouse T-shirts and mentioning her Pet of the Year status more than once, such that her appearance on the show seemed due to promotional consideration. When she sang one week as part of a competition, her ambitions in music were finally revealed. She also failed to tell everybody of the title she holds as 2007/2009 exotic dancer entertainer of the year.
Everybody, Bret included, suspected she was on the show to further exploit her various achievements and become a star, so it looked like she wasn't going to be chosen at the end - an end Michaels said will be his last.
"This is the last time I want to this," he told the two on the finale's outset before refining his declaration:. "This is the last time I will do this." (See? It's in writing).
Many doubted Michael's real intent when he promptly dropped the women on the first two seasons of "Rock of Love," itself a variant of a celebreality dating show that had gone three seasons, "Flavor of Love."
This time he said it out loud: "I am not commitment phobic. That is untrue."
Still, as he hung out with the final two on the island, the more he suggested that maybe there could be life for the three of them together.
And indeed, Taya and Mindy distinguished themselves as friends early on the competition - and not only because as brunettes they stood out from the rest of the pack. But when Taya got mad over a crack Mindy made over Taya being there to advance her singing career, the tussle seemed to overshadow the 24-hour drooling over Bret. Bret called them on it, as if to say: "Back to work girls. The focus is right over here, under this bandana."
Taya seemed like more refined arm candy - she refused to stay overnight with him on their final date, a calculated move meant to make him want her more.
But there was never a good reason for his dropping of Mindy.
"I love everything about you," he told Mindy. "But the ring is not for you."
Nor was it for Taya, whom he said he was only 99 percent in love with (the 1 percent held his doubts about her motivation).
Still, he withdrew from giving the ring from Taya, saying he'd like to get to know her a little better before giving it to her "at right place and right time."
But, he clarified: "You are my 'Rock of Love' OK?'"
Mindy for her part called him "a standard jerk in a rock star uniform" who took her heart and "ran over it with a tour bus."
It took Taya a while to absorb the win. "I had to almost subconsciously smack myself in the face," Taya said in a voice-over narration. "I could be the luckiest girl in the world."
But maybe not, Taya. Maybe not.
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